📺 One of Desi’s best segments: on Huang’s schlong
The Daily Show: The Nvidia Honey Trap Chinese Sexpionage Scandal, Explained - 9m22s
Transcript:
Welcome to The Daily Show. I’m Desi Lydic. We’ve got so much to talk about tonight.
The AI bubble is about to pop. Soccer has stronger term limits than Congress, and a Chinese spy infiltrates one of the world’s richest penises.
So let’s get into the headlines.Oh, it’s been an exciting week, hasn’t it? First, there was the blue wave. Then the Cybertruck got taken to a farm upstate. Now, it might be last call for Pete Hegseth. And honestly, I’m kind of exhausted. You know what? No more news for a while. I just want to coast.
NEWS: “It’s a spy scandal with all the markings of a Hollywood thriller. The CEO of one of the world’s most valuable companies leading the AI revolution, with trillions of dollars hanging in the balance, ensnared in a sexpionage controversy.”
And I’m back. Sexpionage? That’s my favorite genre of espionage. Tell me more.
REPORTER 1: “The board of the tech company NVIDIA is investigating its CEO Jensen Huang’s relationship with businesswoman Alice Huang, no relation, and whether she targeted him on behalf of the Chinese government.”
Oh. All right, look, I don’t want to be sexist, but this is why I always say men shouldn’t be CEOs.
I’m sorry, but they get all hormonal and horny when it’s that time of the month, usually the first through the 30th.Honestly, this scandal surprises me. Because out of all the AI overlords, Jensen Huang seemed to be the most normal.
While Elon Musk is trying to mine Mars for ketamine and Mark Zuckerberg is making sunglasses with something called hentai mode, the weirdest thing about Huang is that he wears cool leather jackets.
Although in hindsight, that was another red flag. I’m pretty sure when you buy that jacket, it comes with a mistress.So now that Jensen Huang has admitted to his affair, who was this alleged spy who allegedly shagged him?
REPORTER 2: “Alice Huang worked as a top executive for a Singaporean tech firm, Megaspeed, that was being investigated by the US government for allegedly smuggling cutting-edge AI chips to China.”
How dare you? Alice Huang, you bring those chips right back to America, where they can waste American electricity to take American jobs. USA! USA! USA!
Wait, that’s— also, Alice, look. Girl to girl, I’m not going to tell you how to do your spycraft, but Megaspeed is the laziest name for a fake tech company. I mean, it’s 2026. They have names like Anthropic, Meta, Palantir. Megaspeed sounds like a knockoff vibrator that’s facing a class-action lawsuit. Look, I don’t want punitive damages, but for the love of God, I just want to know how to turn it off.
So basically, she was trying to get NVIDIA’s chips, and he thought she was just a regular woman whose biggest turn-on was detailed sketches of semiconductors.
But the big question is, how did their top-secret hidden affair finally come to light?
REPORTER 2: “We have obtained newly surfaced photos showing them together, drinking wine at a luxury California golf resort. They appear in a WeChat post on Alice Huang’s account from September 2024.”
Huh. For a secret affair, that’s a ton of photos you guys posted to social media, LinkedIn, WeChat. I’m assuming you posted a TikTok. “Get ready with me while I spy on this guy I’m [BLEEP].”
But OK, as long as you got it out of your system.REPORTER 3: “CNN also geolocated a separate undated image appearing to show the pair dining in Shanghai.”
What is going on? If one of you is having an affair and one of you is a Chinese spy, why are you posting so many romantic wine photos? I know data centers that consume less liquid. It almost seems like you guys wanted to get caught.
REPORTER 3: “And there’s this video from May 2025 in Taipei, a group dinner for tech executives. Their body language shows a friendly relationship. Then they leave together in the same car.”
Oh my God. You guys were really flaunting it. Even the Coldplay couple ducked from the camera.
At this point, what part of their relationship don’t we have photos of?Oh, breaking news. Here’s a photo of them together at MistressCon.
But, look, this story is about so much more than a tech CEO trying to stick his chips in another woman’s hard drive. This affair may have given China access to advanced AI technology and compromised national security. If only someone had known about this earlier, maybe they could have done something about it.
REPORTER: “Trump was briefed roughly a year ago on Jensen Huang’s interactions with the alleged Chinese spy and chose not to act.”
OK, so Trump could have done something about it. But to be fair, he wanted to be a good wingman. I mean, that’s part of his oath of office. “I vow to preserve and protect the United States of America unless it [BLEEP] blocks my homeboy.”
But now that this is out in the open, he’s got to be at least a little upset that Jensen Huang had put him in this position.TRUMP: “I asked him that question. Did you have any idea that she was a spy? He said, ‘I had no idea she was a spy.’ And I really believe him.”
That’s how spies work, Donald. They don’t just come out and say they’re spies. I know you think that hot lady spies have to have Bond girl names, like Felicia Clitoris, but that’s not exactly how it works.
Of course, we shouldn’t be surprised that he’s not mad. There’s no one more sympathetic to a man cheating on his wife than Donald Trump.
TRUMP: “I just know Jensen very well. I just think he’s a very honorable man. He’s an amazing guy. I read his statement, and I believe he’s suffering greatly, more so because of his family. His wife, who he loves, and his family. But he is definitely suffering.”
He had an affair, not a terminal illness! Why is this the one thing you can muster up empathy for?
Remember, this guy just spent the whole campaign warning us that communists were trying to infiltrate our country, but when his friend gets entrapped by an actual communist spy, he’s like, ‘look, the dick wants what the dick wants.’For more on Jensen Huang and the fallout from his affair, we go to NVIDIA headquarters with senior tech correspondent Josh Johnson.
Josh, what’s the latest?JOSH: Desi, it’s bad. Every hour is bringing new worries that Jensen Huang not only compromised America’s technological edge over China, but he may have even endangered our national security.
DESI: Yeah, yeah, it’s very serious. What repercussions do you think Jensen will face?
JOSH: Oh. [CHUCKLES] No, we just going to let it ride.
DESI: But you just said he put all of us at risk.
JOSH: Oh, yeah, a hundred percent. What he did is unforgivable, and we all forgive him.
DESI: Why? No, no, there have to be consequences.
JOSH: Desi, let me break it down for you right now, all right?
The entire global economy depends on the AI bubble, and that AI bubble depends on NVIDIA’s chips. And NVIDIA’s depends on Jensen Huang, and Jensen Huang depends on his penis. So to recap, the global economy depends on this penis.DESI: Wait. OK, so just because our economy is a bit AI-heavy, we let him just end the affair and go right back to work at NVIDIA?
JOSH: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, I didn’t say he has to end the affair, all right? Whatever he needs to keep those little chips coming out is what he needs, all right? He can [BLEEP] Chinese spies, Russian spies, North Korean spies. We just need to keep this man hard and happy so the dollar is stable.
DESI: But, Josh, it’s not just about the economy, though. What if China takes the lead on AI? They would dominate the world.
JOSH: Oh, no! Then our lives would be at the mercy of a different small group of old, rich men who sleep with Chinese women, all right?
DESI: Well, look, maybe I’m naive, but there needs to be some kind of accountability for these CEOs. No one wants economic hardship, I get that, but morally they have to be held to some code of ethics. Plus, he should have known that she was a spy. I mean, that jacket was pathetic.
Sorry, Josh. Are— are you wearing a leather jacket?JOSH: Yes, I am. And I disagree, Desi. I think this is what cool guys wear. Just putting it on makes me feel like my penis controls the NASDAQ.
Everyone loves a man who looks like he does tech support for the Sons of Anarchy.
Oh, wait. What’s that? Ha. A FaceTime call from China? It’s working already!DESI: Oh, no, no, no, no, no. Josh, don’t answer that!
UPDATE: Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang steps down amid spy scandal and market loss:
Nvidia CEO Jensen Huang has stepped down from the company following his reported affairs with a suspected Chinese spy and a senior Nvidia executive.
The $4.2 trillion tech giant has lost more than $600bn in market value this week as Huang’s scandals rocked the company, which supplies most of the chips powering advanced AI technology.
Nvidia’s board met on Wednesday night to discuss ousting Huang ...
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Huang owns about 3.6 percent of Nvidia’s stock, making him one of the richest people in the world.